Lessons in Language
by Frog-Lizard
Summary: Lizard: Enter into the cracktastic and humorific world of Language Lessons with the Transformers! Because even giant alien robots need phonics!


_Lizard: Welcom to Lessons in Language!_

_So, this all started as a single oneshot (the one you shall read below) but quickly grew out of control after a long discussion on titles with my sister, Frog. Now it is a series of oneshots and ficlets revolving around one common theme: language! Most will probably consist of me making fun of the various ridiculous aspects of the English language, because as many of you know, it is the most nonsensical and obnoxious language on the face of the Earth. In my humble, English-speaking opinion. _

_Now, onto our first lesson! Syllables! Learned the "hard way."_

_So this is based on a game I played with my cousin who is...remarkably similar to Sideswipe in many ways. At first glance the game sounds really easy, but then you play it and you realize...it's not. I had the bruises to prove it. You see, my cousin is not only extrememly hyper and half-crazed, but he is also extremely intelligent and has read the dictionary from cover to cover._

_I never stood a chance._

_Thus, this is based on true events ;) To draw parallels, I'm closer in skill to Sunstreaker, my cousin is like Sides and did many of the things listed here to me._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers. Apologies for any typos, I have a problematic keyboard. And sometimes I just screw up._

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><p><strong>Counting Syllables<strong>

_In which Sunstreaker learns to count syllables, _  
><em>Sideswipe shows off his vocabulary, <em>  
><em>and Prowl is very confused.<em>

"Hey Sunny!"

Sunstreaker resisted the overwhelming urge to cause his twin physical harm and instead settled on a skillful roll of his optics.

"What?" he asked, his tone remaining perfectly bored as he continued to disinterestedly polish his arm plating.

Sideswipe plopped down next to him on the Cybertronian sized couch, and Sunstreaker could just feel the energy rolling off him in waves. This was not a good sign.

"Do ya wanna play something?" Sideswipe bounced on the couch a little, behaving remarkably like a sparkling for a front line warrior.

Sunstreaker cast him a sidelong glance, weighing the options. On the one hand, he could simply say no, but chances were that Sideswipe would not leave it at that. He would find some other way to entertain himself, sure, but it would most likely be in some way obnoxious, destructive, embarrassing, trouble-causing, wrath-inducing, or otherwise problematic. Thus he was left with the only other option, and against his better judgment, he shrugged.

"Play what?" he pressed, still expertly keeping himself indifferent.

"You can't end a sentence with more than one syllable."

Well…that didn't sound like a typical Sideswipe-esque type game. Sunstreaker decided he must not have heard his rambunctious brother correctly, so he tried to clarify.

"What?"

_Clang!_

Sunstreaker yelped in surprise and jerked back, placing one hand on his newly dented shoulder.

"The other player gets to hit you if you end with one syllable," Sideswipe explained simply.

Oh. Well, now things made at least a little more sense.

"So…we can't end a sentence with one syllable?"

"That is correct," Sideswipe responded regally, fighting back a smirk.

"Well, that can't be too hard."

_Clang!_

"Sideswipe!"

"Hard is one syllable."

"…."

Sideswipe smiled angelically, "It's more difficult than you would assume."

Sunstreaker snorted, "This is idiotic."

"See, you're getting it!"

_Crash!_

Admittedly, he hadn't needed to hit Sideswipe _quite_ so hard, but really, he deserved it.

Sitting up from his new location on the floor, the red twin glared up at his brother, "Was that really necessary?"

"You said it."

_Smack!_

"Now you did also!"

Sunstreaker just kicked him. Sideswipe hit him back.

"No hitting unless the other person makes a mistake. Otherwise they get to retaliate."

Sunstreaker gaped, "Did you really just make up a new rule?"

_Crack!_

"Ow! Sideswipe!"

"Hah, you aren't very good at this form of entertainment."

"Shut up."

_Clang!_

"Ow!"

_Clank!_

"Stop it!"

_Crack!_

"Sideswipe!"

"Yes, my dear brother, may I provide you with assistance?" Sideswipe's all to innocent smile only served to irritate the yellow front liner even further.

"This is stupid."

"Yeah, probably."

Sunstreaker rolled his optics and collapsed back against the couch, picking up his discarded polishing rag. He returned determinedly to his work, there was a speck he just couldn't seem to get out….

For a few minute they sat in silence, alone in the rec room. Sunstreaker was glad for it, but alas all good things must come to an end.

"Sunstreaker?"

"What?"

_Clang!_

Sunstreaker hissed in frustration at the strike to his leg. This was not his forte.

"We're still playing the form of entertainment," Sideswipe began, "And I was wondering if you enjoyed your patrol this morning with Bluestreak."

It was so innocently asked, Sunstreaker knew it had to be a trap. But he walked right into it anyways.

"No, I did not…enjoy it…at all...this morning," he grimaced.

Sideswipe raised an eyebrow in a look that clearly stated _'Really?'_

"Nice save, there, Sunny."

"Slag off…idiot."

"Wow…."

_Clang!_

"That one was worth the retribution," Sideswipe grinned cheekily at his brother, completely unconcerned with the dent on his faceplates.

Sunstreaker snorted, "I didn't know that word was even in your vocabulary."

"You learn a lot of things playing this form of entertainment."

"Sure you do…while playing."

_Crash!_

"Hey! That was more than one syllable!"

"Yeah, but it didn't really make sense, it was just kind of pathetic."

Sunstreaker knew he was sulking, but he was beyond caring. He glared (or maybe pouted) at his brother, who smiled pleasantly in return.

"I think I'm winning."

"_Can_ you win this…form of entertainment?"

Sideswipe shrugged, "Probably not, but I'm still doing better."

"Shut up."

He jerked his leg out of Sideswipe's reach. His twin just jumped back onto the couch and punched him on the shoulder twice.

"You flinched," he explained sagely when Sunstreaker started to protest.

This was followed by more pouting on one side, and silent gloating on the other.

It was during this lull in conversation that the doors to the rec room slid open, admitting none other than the Ark's resident tactician and regulation enthusiast, Prowl. The black and white Praxian paused at the doorway, surprised and slightly concerned to see the twins in such a quiet state, before he slowly, cautiously entered the room. Neither acknowledged him at first, and so he carefully made his way to the energon dispenser and collected his ration, turning around to beat a hasty retreat.

Alas, it was not meant to be.

"Hey, Prowl, whatcha doin?" Sideswipe very suddenly exploded, launching himself up so that he was kneeling on the couch and leaning over its back to grin widely at the tactician.

Prowl winced internally, "About to return to my office, so if you would excuse me, I should be going…."

"We're playing a form of entertainment!"

Wait…what?

"I'm sorry?"

"No we're not," Sunstreaker snapped, shoving his brother who had in his frantic repositioning invaded his personal space.

_Crack!_

Prowl reset his optics at seeing the red twin so brutally thwack his brother on the shoulder.

"Ow! Sides-!"

_Clang!_

"What the frag? I was going to say, Sideswipe, you moron!"

"Didn't sound like it in my opinion."

"You're an idiot."

Sideswipe grinned, and turned his attention back to Prowl, "See what I'm talking about?"

"No, I don't think he does."

_Smack!_

"Do you _have_ to keep hitting the same spot?"

_Clang!_

"Frag it—"

_Clank!_

"Would you let me finish my sentences?"

"I just did, am I correct?"

Prowl reset his optics. Something was very wrong here. What was going on? Why was Sideswipe hitting Sunstreaker? Why was Sunstreaker not hitting him in return? Why in the Pit was Sideswipe talking like that?

In a moment his vision began to fuzz and a splitting headache arched through his processor. There was a spark, a fizzle, and everything went black.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both stopped their verbal warfare (which Sunstreaker was losing gloriously) at the sound of a mech crumbling to the floor. A small curl of smoke rose from the back of the now offline Prowl's helm.

Sideswipe tilted his helm and clicked his fans curiously, "Huh, guess he didn't enjoy this form of entertainment."

Sunstreaker gave him a deadpan glare, "You're a glitch."

_Clang!_

…

"Sunny? What are you doing? …Sunny?"

_**CRASH!**_

Later, when Ironhide and Hound dragged in an unconscious Prowl and two very dented and leaking twins, Ratchet decided he really just didn't want to know.

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><p><em>Yes! And I'm already working on the next chapter! (Because I'm so good at multi-chaps...)<em>

_Next time: Hooked on Phonics, in which Hook teaches Scavenger to read._


End file.
